香山リカのココロの万華鏡：すぐ結果を求めないで ／東京

(Mainichi Japan) October 2, 2011
Kaleidoscope of the Heart: Don't always expect immediate results
香山リカのココロの万華鏡：すぐ結果を求めないで　／東京

"Show me results." It's a common enough phrase, but not everything in life can be settled quickly.
　「結果を出せ」という言葉をよく聞くが、人生、すぐに結果が出ることばかりではない。

Part of my life can provide an example.
　私の場合もそうだ。

For many years, I wasn't sure how to handle a situation where I encountered one of my patients in the restroom. 病院のトイレで患者さんに会ってしまったときにどうすればよいか、長年わからないままだった。

If it was someone who had come in to the hospital that day but had not yet seen me, it would be odd to say, "How have you been doing?" and suddenly begin their session then and there. In the case of a patient who had just finished a meeting with me, I was even less sure what to say.
これから診察という人に「いかがですか」とそこでいきなり問診を始めるのもおかしいし、いま診察室を出たばかりの人の場合は、さらに何と声をかけてよいかわからない。

In my 30s I handled this restroom situation by pretending I hadn't seen the patient. In my 40s, I would say, "Hi," but the situation still felt somehow awkward.
結局、３０代のころは「見て見ぬふり」、４０代は「どうも」などとあいまいなあいさつをしてごまかしたが、それでもなんとなく気まずさが残る。

There was even a period when I purposely used the restroom on a different floor to avoid the possibility of meeting a patient.
「誰かに会うのが怖い」とわざわざ別の階のトイレに行っていた時期さえあった。

It wasn't until my 50s that I realized I needn't be particular about how I handle the situation, that I could keep a natural expression and just say something like, "It's awful rain, isn't it?" or "It's been hot lately, hasn't it?"
　無理に「こうしなければ」と思わずに、自然な表情で「雨がひどいですね」「まだ暑いですね」と天候の話などをすればいいのだ、と気づいたのは、５０代になってから。

In the end, my ridiculous "restroom anxiety disorder" took a whole 25 years to disappear.
私のおかしな“トイレ恐怖症”が消えるまで、実に２５年もかかったのだ。

In my consultation room, I often hear stories like, "It wasn't until I turned 60 that my feelings of antagonism toward my father disappeared.
　診察室でも、「６０歳になってやっと父親へのわだかまりが消えてきた」といった話をよく聞く。

" Particularly when dealing with people, even if we feel things like "I can never forgive them," "I want an immediate apology," or "I never want to meet them again," as time passes it is not uncommon that their relations with the other people gradually improve.
とくに人間関係の場合、「許せない」「すぐに謝ってほしい」「二度と会いたくない」などと思っていても、時間がたつうちに自分も相手も、お互いの関係性もゆるやかに変わっていくことが少なくない。

Often those patients who hurry in for a counseling session want a solution for their problems quickly. Calming them and getting them to let some time pass may be a duty of psychiatrists like me.
診察室に駆け込んで来る人は「今すぐ答えを出したいんです！」とあせっていることが多いが、彼らに「まあ、もう少し待ってみましょうよ」と時間かせぎをさせるのが、私たち精神科医の仕事かもしれない。

If they think and act calmly and carefully, anyone should be able to find an answer or produce a result they are satisfied with.
　誰でも、じっくり考えたり取り組んだりすれば、自分が納得できる答えや結果は出せるはず。

Sometimes, though, people cannot wait that long, and jump to a mistaken conclusion.
ただ、それまでの時間を耐えられないので、間違った結論をすぐに出してしまおうとするのだ。

Of course, at a company or other business scene, we cannot exactly say, "Could you give me around 20 years for that?
　もちろん、会社でのビジネスなどでは、「結果が出るまで、あと２０年くらい待っていただけませんか」とは言えないだろう。

" Plus, we are sometimes given limits to produce results, like "within this fiscal period," or "by next week," and that can cause us a lot of stress.
「今期のうちに」「来週までに」と期限を区切られ、結果を出すことを要求される場合もあるが、それは心にとって大きなストレスになる。

If we fail to meet such a deadline and get scolded by a boss, we shouldn't immediately judge ourselves.
　もし、期限までに結果を出せずに上司などに叱られたとしても、せめて「オレってダメだな」とすぐに自分への評価を出さないでほしい、と思う。

We may feel down then, but three or even 10 years later that experience may take on a different meaning, and we may start to feel, "It's a good thing that I messed up then."
そのときは落ち込むかもしれないが、その経験も３年後、１０年後には意味がかわり、「あのとき失敗してよかった」ということになるかもしれないからだ。

We mustn't judge everything on what we see right before us.
　目の前の結果だけで、すべてを決めつけないで。

My thinking is that we come to see the true meaning of things only after time has passed.
時間をかけて見えてきたことだけが、ホンモノなのだと私は考えている。

(By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist)
毎日新聞　2011年9月27日　地方版